How to improve your marriage and finances.
The Bible does give direction on how husbands and wives should interact. However, many versions of the Bible seem contrary to today’s standard of equality between men and women. When it comes to couples dealing with money many families only still only have one spouse handling their finances. Money is also one of the biggest reasons for problems in marriages. The Message version of the Bible describes today’s society very well; men and women are equals. Treating each other as equals is the basis of the idea of being accountability partners. Here is a deeper look at how to make the role of accountability partner work in your marriage and improve your finances as well as your relationship.
It is not something that just happens in one generation. From Gen X to Millennials to Baby Boomers, all have the same issue. One spouse takes care of most of the bill paying, keeping track of bank and investment accounts, and other financial documents for the family. There are many explanations couples give for only one spouse handling the family money. They often say that one person understands financial things better. Or, some people just do not like taking care of the family finances. Another reason can be more democratic, with some couples sharing other family tasks. One spouse takes care of the finances, and the other takes care of (you fill in the blank).
As couples grow older, the drawbacks to only one person being in charge of the family finances become more evident. Even with young couples, circumstances can come up that shows one spouse in charge of the family finances is not a good idea. Three bad things can happen. First, keeping the family budget is harder than it looks and some people can be overwhelmed. Second, everybody is human, and mistakes happen. Third, what happens when the spouse handling the money gets sick or dies?
At some point, one of the three situations listed above is going to happen. How do you prepare for the spouse that does not usually take care of family finances to take over or help? If you want to be ready in case something happens, try being an accountability partner. Establishing an accountability partner role in a relationship can bring many benefits. To begin, you should understand what you are setting out to do and work within some simple ground rules so as not to create hurt feelings.
Being each other’s accountability partner.
The first step to being an accountability partner is to have a list of all the family assets and important papers. If you use financial software, you can get a list of assets by making a special report. If you use your bank to pay bills electronically, you can get a list of whom you regularly pay from your account portal. Then supplement that list with a list of what you own such as your house, cars, real estate, bank, and investment accounts. If you use software or have online access to your accounts, make it a priority to write down your user IDs and passwords for each account. If you have several accounts, you should find a password vault that is an app or part of your software. Remember to give your spouse the user ID and password for that vault. If you do not use online access to accounts or financial software, take the time to write down a list of your assets and your bills. Being the accountability partner in your relationship can help the spouse paying the monthly expense to keep on track. You should also have a calendar that indicates what bills are ordinarily due on specific dates.
Going over your accounts and assets on a regular basis can also give the spouse that does not regularly take care of the finances a considerable sense of comfort. What if there should be a time when the non-financial spouse needs to step into taking care of the family finances? Not knowing what to do is an awful burden to put on your spouse. Both spouses working together on a regular basis will make it easier if the spouse that usually handles the finances get sick, is out of town, or even if they die.
An accountability partner also agrees to discuss family goals and savings. It takes money to live in our society, and if you can manage your family’s finances better, it will help your marriage. Never assume that both of you understand how much is spent on expenses. Being an accountability partner means taking the time to know where you are both spending money. Here is a perfect example if you have children, you could be spending money, month after month on extracurricular activities like sports or dance for your child. It is easy to begin paying $50 a month, and over time it can grow to a $500 per month expense. That is not an exaggeration. Having an accountability partner in your relationship gives both of you the opportunity to talk about what you are paying on a monthly basis. For some couples talking about family finances monthly is to much. Try a special date night at least every three months where you can talk about where your money is going.
Sometimes talking about how much things cost can be a reality check within your relationship. If you are the financial person in your relationship, do not assume that your spouse knows or understands how much things cost. Tread lightly in your conversations because this is not a point that you want either of you to have hurt feelings.
Turn your conversation about money into a fun event. Make it into an evening out or perhaps a weekend retreat. Spending time talking to your spouse about how your life is going will keep your relationship going. Treat it like you were preparing for an important client. Except you can skip the PowerPoint presentations. That is not too romantic. Taking time to talk to your spouse about how each of you feels about what you would like your future to be is an essential part of a relationship. The Apostle Paul wrote,
“Three things will last forever – faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love.”
(1 Corinthians 13:13, NLT)
Talking about and planning to have a successful life together is the embodiment of love in a relationship. You have faith in God helping you to have a happy family life. You have hope about the success of your plans for your family. Moreover, the reason you are doing all of the discussion and planning is you love each other and love your family.
Relationships can break down to the point of divorce over money. If you make discussing your finances more of a conversation about how you would like your future to be, you will be much happier. It might sound like overkill. However, you need to write down or print out some numbers for your conversation about family finances. If you talk about moving into a bigger house that will have a monthly payment twice what you can budget, that can be a problem.
Sharing your perspective with each other.
Your bank or credit union probably has some excellent budgeting tools that will help keep track of your money. Print out your budget that shows how much you are spending and share that information with your spouse. If either of you are not that electronically inclined, make a simple family balance sheet. Write down what you have, whom you owe and where your accounts are located. Both of you need to be on the same page when it comes to spending money. Sharing your perspective is one of the prime benefits of having an accountability partner.
Part of discussing how your family is spending money is how each spouse agrees to spend money. You should both agree that if an item exceeds a specific dollar amount that you will talk about that expense before the money is spent. For some families that dollar amount might be $50. For other families that amount might be $500 or even larger. It all depends on your disposable income and what you as a couple feel comfortable setting as an accountability limit.
Respecting each other.
Discussing accountability limits brings up another essential part of one of you being an accountability partner and one spouse being the primary financial person in your relationship. You should have a few ground rules. For example, both of you must agree in the beginning to avoid buzzwords that irritate the other spouse. For instance, agree not to say things like “I told you so” or “you knew that.” You know how you communicate. Make guidelines for your conversation that will help you to find solutions during your conversations.
Relationships are as different as stars in the sky and so too is the unique communication between couples. Talking about finances will require husbands and wifes to go outside of their comfort zone at times. Be open to having your ideas challenged. However, be kind and respectful of each other. For example, one may want a new car; one may want to keep the current car. Respectfully consider each others opinion and desires. Be willing to compromise.
Keep in mind that all the hope in the world will not help if you are overspending. Overspending can cause a lot of tension in a marriage. Overspending or overcommitting your expenses can force couples to live paycheck to paycheck, drive up debt and lead to a very uncomfortable life. Live by this vital piece of financial advice, live frugally. It is better to underspend and have a financial cushion than to overspend and live paycheck to paycheck.
Handling uncomfortable situations.
Sometimes talking about finances is not a comfortable time. Either of you may become unemployed, disabled or you may have a significant and sudden financial burden. You need to be able to be open and honest with each other about your hopes and fears. Being an accountability partner at this point is a role for both of you. In dire times you need to support each other. Bring hope to the situation and always be a prayer partner for each other.
That is why it is important to have it as a regular conversation about your future. That will help you plan so that if unexpected or bad things happen, you will be prepared or at least know where to turn. The time to talk about financial catastrophes is before they happen. Talk about insurances such as health, life, disability, homeowners or flood insurance. During Hurricane Harvey in 2017, the Houston Chronicle reported that 122,009 homes were damaged because of the storm. However, only 20% of those homes had flood insurance. How many husbands and wives do you think regret not discussing buying flood insurance. If you are talking about your children’s future, discuss the financial responsibilities that are ahead. Talk about how much you have in emergency savings, just in case you need it. Even the spouse taking care of the finances of your family will need professional help from time to time. Both of you need a will and healthcare directive. Be open to talking to financial professionals like accountants, lawyers, financial planners and insurance agents. You are co-CEOs of your family. Every good CEO turns to financial experts when the circumstance warrants.
Managing your family’s finances can be a challenge. It takes time, effort and patience with each other. Remember this passage written by the Apostle Peter, "[. . .]
"Be good wives to your husbands [. . .]" 1 Peter 3:1, MSG)
and the same goes for men “[. . . ]
"Be good husbands to your wives. [. . . ]"(1 Peter 3:7,MSG)
If you read 1 Peter in most versions of the Bible, it presents a view of husband and wife interaction that is contrary to the level of equality that exists in the US today. When Dr. Eugene Peterson translated the original Greek version of the Bible to create the Message version, he applied more modern English language interpretation of Greek. This is an instance where the Message version of the Bible describes today’s society very well; men and women are equals.
When it comes to handling family finances, husbands and wives need to be equal accountability partners for each other, a prayer partner and a friend to each other. The challenges you face will be more manageable if you face them together.
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